Blew another Friday off watching an action flick – Transformers this time, yet again. We just can’t love this movie enough. Roomie and me discussed how things would be in our lab if it was shot like an action movie.

9am … somewhere in the Cancer Center, Molecular Virology Lab

Advisor: We are all here because the time has come to choose … to choose between what is easy and what is right. The SV-40 viruses are causing tumors in mice and soon plan to attack humans and take over the universe. But we are Americans. And if true American blood runs in our bodies, we are sure to kick some virus butt today.

Grad student, do the pull-downs. Secure the beads and prepare for washing.

Grad student: Pull-down process engaged. Everyone, hold onto your butts. Ultracentrifugation begins in T -5 seconds. Sir, I advise you to stay in your bunker.

Advisor: Good luck grad student. Make me proud (retires to his chamber)

Post-doc: Mayday! Mayday! The Mac’s frozen. Does someone know how to operate this?

Grad student: There is only one person who can do this. Our lab-tech, who spends most of her hours on google talk. Jennifer, proceed 10 steps to your east and take care of the Mac you see in front of you. Centrifugation steps complete. Washing steps engaged.

And suddenly, out of nowhere…

Advisor: Team. Report status.

Grad student: Washing steps will be completed asap.

Advisor: What the heck is that? Roll in 0.5% NP-40. I repeat … alpha … roll in 0.5% NP-40. Switch on the hot plate. Proceed to boil in sample buffer. Start loading gels from 9 O’clock west.

Grad student: Samples incoming! Lets use our two-five-zero-kb marker. Bring the standard protein ladder.

Lazy undergrad: Attention all units. Ground team requesting Seeblue protein standard.

Grad student: All samples loaded. Prepare for transfer in T-60minutes.

Advisor to lab-tech: Bring the student home. Get him state-side right now and de-briefed in 15 minutes.

Lab-tech: Calling lab-tech to grad-student, do you hear me. Lab-tech to grad-student, return to home base. Sir, I think we lost him. He must have gone to Qdoba.

Advisor: Grad student, return to base at once. If you do not comply, your India trip vacation will be cancelled.

Grad student: Reporting to base at once sir. Preparing for transfer.

And the rest of the day continues in this confusion…….

Grad student: Back off! We are under attack from non-working Santa Cruz antibodies. Bring in Invitrogen, bring in Abcam, bring in Covance, bring in everything you have. Do I have orders to abort mission professor?

Advisor: Orders to abort mission denied.

Grad student: Proceed killbox 1 alpha. Borrow antibodies from adjacent lab. Use deadly force if necessary.

And in course of time, with results in hand…

Grad student: I did it ! Crazy son-of-a-bitch, I did it! Mission accomplished professor!

Advisor: All ground units to be evacuated at once. It is time to go home. It has been an honor working with all of you. (To grad student), report to duty on Saturday and reproduce this experiment. The war is not yet over. The end is just the beginning. There is more to it than meets the eye. I am the principal investigator and I send this message to all the surviving graduate students taking refuge somewhere. I am here, and I am waiting.

(Dialogues credited to Transformers)