04 May 2010

Bheem.Inc!

Scene: Bheem enters the forests near Ekachakra with a cart of food in search of Bakasur, the demon! Bheem calls out to Bakasur in a resonating voice - “heY Bakaa! I’m not getting signal here; AT&T really sucks! Can you hear me? Come out and eat your food!

Bakasur: heY you! What took you so long? Don’t you realize I’m starving? I’m surviving the whole of morning with just one glass of orange juice!

Bheem: Sorry dude! Traffic da! Ekachakra turnpike is jammed at this hour. I had to take SO many detours. Don’t even talk about it. Why can’t you get an apartment somewhere close to the suburbs?

Bakasur: Too expensive man! And hey! How DARE you call me by my first name? The villagers of Ekachakra are such ‘darpoks’ that they even fear coming close to the forest.

Bheem: Ok! What’s your surname then?

Bakasur: I don’t have one! Do you think that’ll become a problem during visa? I got an admit from Pitt dental school ;)

Bheem: I guess so. Awright! Eat quickly; I have to get back. I’m watching this new movie - “How to train your Dragon” 3D today evening

Bakasur: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ! You ain’t goin’ nowhere. Hey Bheem, why do villains always have an African-American accent? Why can’t they speak plain American or Brit?

Bheem: If you keep going to Wendy’s all the time. you’ll obviously get influenced right? Anyway, I present the menu to you sir:

  • Chicken breasts from overfed chicken
  • A can of rBST milk
  • Beef from cattle feeding ONLY on corn
  • Diet Coke with corn syrup
  • Peanut butter sandwich with traces of Salmonella
  • A can of Fiji mineral water whose potability is inferior to the normal tap water
  • Pork from hormone-treated pig
  • Apples injected with grape flavor
  • Bagels and I-can’t-believe-its-not-butter

Bakasur: WTF ?

Bheem: Why? What’s wrong? Haven’t you watched Food Inc.? Smithfield, Perdue, Monsanto, Tyson – these are the dominant food giants. That’s where all this came from

Bakasur: Don’t you have anything organic?

Bheem: LMAO! Organic? Who are you? Some queer from the 1920s? Who grows organic these days? The corn syrup you find in batteries is the same corn syrup you find in Pepsi!

Bakasur: Don’t you have any home-grown food then?

Bheem: Did I not tell you? That soya bean you grow in your backyard – be careful … its a sure invitation to a legal battle. Monsanto has investigators!

Bakasur: Did I not tell you? The world shudders at the mere mention of my name. Lightning and thunder rumbles the earth at every step I take. The faint-hearted wither away at the sight of me. I am terror. I am vicious. I am … BAKASUR!

(waves dash against the rocks; lightning strikes a tree; mild tremors occur; Eyjafjallajokull erupts again!)

Bheem: ROTFL! Narakasur said the same things. He grew soya bean in his backyard. Then he was booked for patent infringement. Unable to bear the legal costs, he had an out-of-court settlement with the giant for 25,000 USD!

Bakasur: Whaaaaat? Oh no!

Bheem: So you eatin’ or what?

Bakasur: Of course… Bakasur NEVER goes hungry. I shall eat you Bheem. You are organic. You are my lunch today!

Bheem: Lololol! You really crack me up dude. Don’t you watch the daily news?

Bakasur: No basic cable ;(

Bheem: Verizon?

Bakasur: Yeah. Its not really bad; family guy buffers most of the times. But its ok-ok

Bheem: Oh yeah… coming to the point. I am HIV positive. Thanks to Draupadi and her multiple sex partners !

Bakasur: Darn it! I thought you were gay

Bheem: I’m as gay as Krishna… if you know what I mean!

Bakasur: Isn’t Nakul and Sahadev…

Bheem: Totally gay. Gayishly gay!

Bakasur: Hmmph! So am I gonna starve for the rest of my life?

Bheem: No! Listen to me carefully…

  • Eat Organic Food
  • Chuck Giant Eagle & Wal-mart! Go to Whole Foods
  • Visit farmer’s markets. There’s one in strip district. Vegetables are dead-cheap
  • Buy non-rBST milk
  • Try to cook at home. Don’t be a lazy ass
  • Stay away from junk. Don’t even venture anywhere close to those vending machines in school
  • Eat healthy
  • Change the world with every bite!

Bakasur: Thanks da! I really owe you one. We should hang out sometime…

Bheem: You can come to the movie tonight. But you must promise to behave!

Bakasur: You won’t regret this! Let us do the GO!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

intresting, tho i have to admit i am mildly confused. does this have anything to do with your research?

M

Andy said...

Lol!! This was just plain FUNNY! I LOVE IT! :D

Anonymous said...

you will be missed suhas...why did you have to leave..

Anonymous said...

remove the stupid story you mindless shameless, you dont know what you wrote if did willingly correct yourself, remove vulgarity, enter actual story not the way you think-bad thoughts are of bad people like what you wrote